An Alberta cowboy was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous
pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud
towards him.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban
sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I
tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will
you give me a calf?"

The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his
peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer,
connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA
page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation
system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to
another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution
photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop
and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany.
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image
has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL
database through an ODBC connected Excel Spreadsheet with email on his
Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech,
miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and
says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says the
Cowboy.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused
as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly
what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why
not?"

"You're a member of parliament for the Canadian Government", says the
cowboy.

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even
though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already
knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter
than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows...this is a herd
of sheep. Now give me back my dog."

Give me back my dog that is great ROFLMAO

I was laughing so hard my eyes were leaking

fantastic, now that is funny lol

Living Will
Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her,

"I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine
and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the
plug."

She got up, unplugged the TV and then threw out my beer.

She's Such A b*tch.......

jojo wrote:

Living Will Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug." She got up, unplugged the TV and then threw out my beer. She's Such A b*tch.......

OMG LMAO
Why that....

rippinchikkin wrote:

A SPANISH Teacher
was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English,
nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

"House" for instance, is feminine:
"la casa."

"Pencil," however, is masculine:
"el lapiz."

A student asked,
" What gender is 'computer' ?"

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups,
male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether
"computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be
of the feminine gender
("la computadora"),
because:


1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is
incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending
half your paycheck on accessories for it.

(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine
("el computador"),
because:


1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time
they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.

Hmmmmm.........
LMAO....those are great

>A blind man wanders into an all girls biker bar by mistake. He finds
>his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee.
>After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, "Hey, you
>wanna hear a blonde joke?"
>The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep,husky
>voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir,
>I think it is only fair -- given that you are blind -- that you
>should know five things:
>
>1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
>2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
>3. I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in
>karate.
>4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional
>weightlifter.
>5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
>
>Now, think about it seriously, Mister. "Do you still wanna tell that
>joke?"
>
>The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters,
>"No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
>