A husband took his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course. The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us."



So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, "Come on in." When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the pieces of window glass. A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke my window?" "Uh... yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband replied. "Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you.



You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself." "Wow, that's great!" the husband said.



He pondered a moment and blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life." "No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!"



"And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie asked. "I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world," she said. "Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!"



"And now," the couple asked in unison, "what's your wish, genie?" Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife."



The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?" She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?" You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband. I'd do the same for you!"



So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable. After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, "How old are you and your husband?"



"Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly. "No Kidding," he said. "Thirty-five years old..... and both of you still believe in genies?"

jojo wrote:

"Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly. "No Kidding," he said. "Thirty-five years old..... and both of you still believe in genies?"

Mostly practical, but some may give u a chuckle

WD-40

When you read the "shower door" part, try it.
It's the first thing that has cleaned that spotty shower door. If yours is
plastic, it works just as well as glass. It's a miracle!
Then try it on your stovetop . . . Viola! It's shinier than it's ever been. You'll be amazed.

The product began from a search for a rust preventative solvent and
degreaser to protect missile parts. WD-40 was created in 1953 by three
technicians at the San Diego Rocket Chemical Company. Its name comes from
the project that was to find a "Water Displacement" compound.
They were successful with the Fortieth formulation, thus WD-40.

The Corvair Company bought it in bulk to protect their Atlas missile parts.
The workers were so pleased with the product they began smuggling (also
known as "shrinkage" or "stealing") it out to use at home.

The executives decided there might be a consumer market for it and put it in
aerosol cans. The rest is history. It is a carefully guarded recipe known
only to four people. One of them is the "brew master." There are about 2.5
million gallons of the stuff manufactured each year. It gets its
distinctive smell from a fragrance that is added to the brew. Ken East (one
of the original founders) says there is nothing in WD-40 that would hurt you.

Here are a few of the 1000s of uses:

~ Protects silver from tarnishing
~ Cleans and lubricates guitar strings
~ Gets oil spots off concrete driveways
~ Gives floors that 'just-waxed' sheen without
making it slippery
~ Keeps flies off cows
~ Restores and cleans chalkboards
~ Removes lipstick stains
~ Loosens stubborn zippers
~ Untangles jewellery chains
~ Removes stains from stainless steel sinks
~ Removes dirt and grime from the barbecue grill
~ Keeps ceramic/terra cotta garden pots from
oxidizing
~ Removes tomato stains from clothing
~ Keeps glass shower doors free of water spots
~ Camouflages scratches in ceramic and marble
floors
~ Keeps scissors working smoothly
~ Lubricates noisy door hinges on vehicles and
doors in homes
~ Gives a children's play gym slide a shine for
a super fast slide
~ Lubricates gear shift and mower - deck lever
for ease of handling on riding mowers
~ Rids rocking chairs and swings of squeaky
noises
~ Lubricates tracks in sticking home windows and
makes them easier to open
~ Spraying an umbrella stem makes it easier to
open and close
~ Restores and cleans padded leather dashboards
and vinyl bumpers
~ Restores and cleans roof racks on vehicles
~ Lubricates and stops squeaks in electric fans
~ Lubricates wheel sprockets on tricycles,
wagons and bicycles for easy
handling
~ Lubricates fan belts on washers and dryers and
keeps them running smoothly
~ Keeps rust from forming on saws and saw
blades, and other tools
~ Removes splattered grease on stove
~ Keeps bathroom mirror from fogging
~ Lubricates prosthetic limbs
~ Keeps pigeons off the balcony (they hate the
smell)
~ Removes all traces of duct tape
~ I have even heard of folks spraying it on
their arms, hands, and knees to
relieve arthritis pain.
~ Florida's favorite use was "cleans and removes
love bugs from grills and bumpers
~ The favorite use in the state of New York -
protects the Statue of Liberty
from the elements.
~ WD-40 attracts fish. Spray a LITTLE on live
bait or lures and you will be
catching the big one in no time. It's a lot
cheaper than the chemical
attractants that are made for just that
purpose. Keep in mind though, using
some chemical laced baits or lures for fishing
are not allowed in some states
~ Keeps away chiggers on the kids
~ Use it for fire ant bites. It takes the sting
away immediately, and stops the itch.
~ WD-40 is great for removing crayon from
walls. Spray on the mark and wipe
with a clean rag.
~ Also, if you've discovered that your teenage
daughter has washed and dried
a tube of lipstick with a load of laundry,
saturate the lipstick spots with
WD-40 and re-wash. Presto! Lipstick is gone!
~ If you sprayed WD-40 on the distributor cap,
it would displace the
moisture and allow the car to start. (If I knew
what a distributor cap was, it might help)
~ WD-40, long known for its ability to remove
leftover tape smudges (sticky
label tape), is also a lovely perfume and air
freshener! Sprayed liberally
on every hinge in the house, it leaves that
distinctive clean fresh scent
for up to two days!
~ Seriously though, it removes black scuff marks
from the kitchen floor!
Use WD-40 for those nasty tar and scuff marks on
flooring. It doesn't seem
to harm the finish and you won't have to scrub
nearly as hard to get them
off. Just remember to open some windows if you
have a lot of marks.
~ Bug guts will eat away the finish on your car
if not removed quickly! Use
WD-40!

Flies off cows.....???

kd1966 wrote:

Flies off cows.....???

lol

Something to play with today

http://snakesonaplane.varitalk.com/

jojo wrote:

Something to play with today http://snakesonaplane.varitalk.com/

OMG that is the worst movie idea ever. I just can't believe they made a movie based on deadly snakes being on a plane. It just sounds like some stupid idea Conan O'Brien would come up with while joking on his show.

More like "Conan of the jungle" meets "Drop Zone"......... or something........."ConAir" maybe...??

A woman went to a K-Mart service counter and told the clerk she wanted a refund for the toaster she bought because it won't work. The clerk told her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.

Suddenly, the woman threw her arms up in the air and started screaming,
"PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!!!!"

The befuddled clerk ran away to get the store manager in front of a growing crowd of customers.

The manager comes to the woman and asks,"Ma'am what's wrong?"

She explained the problem with the toaster, and he also told her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.

Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air and screamed, "PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!" and doing so draws an even bigger crowd!

In shock, the store manager pleads, "Ma'am, why are you saying that?"

In a huff, the woman says, "BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE MY NIPPLES PINCHED WHEN I'M BEING SCREWED!!"

The crowd broke into applause and her money was quickly refunded!!

That was great JoJo, thank you for posting!!!