MY HUSBAND IS 73 YEARS OLD AND LOVES TO FISH. HE WAS SITTING IN HIS BOAT THE OTHER DAY WHEN HE HEARD A VOICE SAY, "PICK ME UP."

HE LOOKED AROUND AND COULD NOT SEE ANY ONE. HE THOUGHT HE WAS DREAMING. WHEN HE HEARD THE VOICE AGAIN, "PICK ME UP." HE LOOKED IN THE WATER AND THERE FLOATING ON THE TOP WAS A FROG.

MY HUSBAND SAID, "ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?" THE FROG SAID,

"YES, I'M TALKING TO YOU. PICK ME UP AND KISS ME AND I'll TURN INTO THE
MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN YOU HAVE EVER SEEN AND WILL GIVE YOU THE MOST
WONDERFUL SEXUAL PLEASURES THAT YOU HAVE EVER DREAMED OF.

" MY HUSBAND LOOKED AT THE FROG FOR A SHORT TIME AND THEN REACHED OVER AND PICKED IT UP CAREFULLY, PLACING IT IN HIS FRONT BREAST POCKET. THEN THE FROG SAID,

"WHAT ARE YOU NUTS, DIDN'T YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID? I SAID KISS ME AND I WILL GIVE YOU SEXUAL PLEASURES LIKE YOU HAVE NEVER HAD.

HE OPENED HIS POCKET, LOOKED AT THE FROG AND SAID,

"AT MY AGE I'D RATHER HAVE A TALKING FROG!"

These are so funny Joann -- more, more............paaaleeez!

Where do you get these chuckles? They're great! Keep them coming. LOL

They come mostly in emails from friends, not too sure how racy we can get in her tho

I'm sure John or someone will let us know if we get too racey.

Ok Joni, we'll see with this one. Let me know if this is over the top ok?
ohhh, can't use that body part.

THE P*NIS GRIEVANCE
I, THE P*NIS, HEREBY REQUEST A RAISE IN SALARY FOR THE FOLLOWING REASONS:
I DO PHYSICAL LABOR.
I WORK AT GREAT DEPTHS.
I PLUNGE HEAD FIRST INTO EVERYTHING I DO
I DON'T GET WEEKENDS OR HOLIDAYS OFF.
I WORK IN A DAMP ENVIRONMENT.
I WORK IN A DARK WORKPLACE THAT HAS POOR VENTILATION.
I WORK IN HIGH TEMPERATURES.
MY WORK COULD POSSIBLY EXPOSES ME TO CONTAGIOUS DISEASES.

MY RESPONSE:

DEAR P*NIS:

AFTER ASSESSING YOUR REQUEST, AND CONSIDERING THE ARGUMENTS YOU HAVE
RAISED,
THE ADMINISTRATION REJECTS YOUR REQUEST FOR THE FOLLOWING REASONS:


YOU DO NOT WORK 8 HOURS STRAIGHT.
YOU FALL ASLEEP AFTER BRIEF WORK PERIODS.
YOU DO NOT ALWAYS FOLLOW THE ORDERS OF THE MANAGEMENT TEAM.
YOU DO NOT STAY IN YOUR DESIGNATED AREA AND ARE OFTEN SEEN VSITING
OTHERLOCATIONS.
YOU DON'T TAKE THE INITIATIVE,YOU NEED TO BE PRESSURED AND STIMULATED ORDER TO START WORKING.
YOU LEAVE THE WORK PLACE RATHER MESSY AT THE END OF YOUR SHIFT.
YOU DON'T ALWAYS OBSERVE SAFETY REGULATIONS,SUCH AS WEARING PROPER
PROTECTIVE CLOTHING.
YOU WILL RETIRE WELL BEFORE 65.
YOU ARE UNABLE TO WORK DOUBLE SHIFTS.
YOU SOMETIMES YOUR DESIGNATED WORK AREA BEFORE YOU HAVE COMPLETED THE
ASSIGNED TASK.


AND IF THAT WERE NOT ENOUGH, YOU HAVE BEEN SEEN CONSTANTLY ENTERING
EXITING THE WORKPLACE CARRYING TWO RATHER SUSPICIOUS-LOOKING BAGS

SINCERELY ,

>
MANAGEMENT!!!!!!!!

I think it's great and not at all racey. Afterall, we're all adults here aren't we? LOL

A man enters his favorite ritzy restaurant and while sitting at his
regular table, he notices a gorgeous woman sitting at a nearby table all
alone.
He calls the waiter over and asks for their most expensive bottle of
Merlot to be sent over to her, knowing that, if she accepts it, she is
his.

The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the woman,
saying this is from the gentleman over there.

She looks at the wine and sends a note over to the man. The note reads:
For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your
garage, A million dollars in the bank, and seven inches in your pants."

The man, after reading her note, chuckles, and sends a note of his own
back to her, and it read:

Just so you know, I happen to have a Ferrari Testarosa, a BMW 850 and a
Mercedes 600 SL, in my garage, and I have over twenty-five million
dollars in the bank.

But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut three inches
off. :woot

JUST SEND THE BOTTLE BACK."

He should be so lucky. Ha Ha Ha he he he

That put a spoke in her wheel......lol